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Something Unique About The Pearl Of Africa, Uganda

If you are not Ugandan, please visit us for a feel of this special experience. We need not labour so much in attracting tourists; who wouldn’t want to see this? We are the ‘Pearl of Africa’ in all senses, a battered pearl too. Uganda is not only gifted by nature; we have also gifted nature with unique elements.

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Where else do you find an airport that is the size of the washrooms of other countries’ airports? An airport that is supposed to be somewhere in a museum of airport history but that has somehow limped on into the lounge of modern times with its torn clothes and patches.

Tell me if there is any other country that has been as honest to itself as Uganda as to even disqualify herself from having airlines. For with such a sketch of an airport, who would prioritise an airline?

Please come tour us. If you thought shame was a universal sense, come watch our leaders. Come see them walk through the VIP airport lounge with heads high like they are convinced that they merit privileges of achievers. It is a scene so entertaining, only comparable to watching Mr Bean live. If only VIP meant Very Incompetent Persons!

Anyhow, why should they feel ashamed? We know quite well that any tourist would mainly travel to see what they don’t have at home. Just like wildlife, things like our miniature airport, poor services, chaotic traffic, dust, and noise attract so many visitors who hardly ever get a chance to witness them in their countries.

So, why should we change our winning team! Which tourist comes to Uganda to see escalators, order, and precision? If they found such, they would be too disappointed to ever come back or interest anyone to visit.

Dear visitors, you will love the company of our people. Who doesn’t know of our traditional kindness, warmth, hospitality, tolerance, and patience?

If you doubt it, come and have a feel of what we have tolerated as other impatient countries keep changing and moving ahead. We patiently await our turn to move out of this development refrigerator where bottle irrigation is still technology news.

Will you get any other chance to meet a people who are robbed as they smile? A people who, in the words of Kenya’s PLO Lumumba, harm small thieves and celebrate big ones! We are a special breed in humanity’s variety, a breed you must meet before you die.

As the German philosopher Fredrick Hegel put it in his widely bashed book Philosophy of History, this is a land of perpetual childhood. It is a land of people who can comfortably accommodate contradictions, a pre-logical society. Where leaders are afraid of those they lead!

Where everyone else has to be chased off the road for leaders to pass. Where leaders turn up late for functions and everything has to stop for everyone to stand up to welcome them with thunderous applause. Where truths and lies coexist in perfect harmony. How often do you meet leaders that publicly declare not to be servants? Visit us please.

Come calling yourself an investor, we guarantee you free land even before we establish where you are able to sustain a cat in your home. Our hospitality is so high that we find it more compelling to offer foreigners free land than supporting our struggling local investors. God gifted us with hearts so big that they wouldn’t fit in the body of a white ant.

Have you been to a shop where the attendant has to first finish his/her telephone conversation before attending to you? Come here and watch them drag their lucky feet in service of those who bring them money. Come experience the rudeness of some of our receptionists whose positions possess them like an amateur ghost.

You must visit this hot country where everyone is asking for ‘tea’! From the gateman at a public facility to those offering you services you are entitled to. ‘I will help you, but you will find some tea for me’, they will tell you with a straight face. If you can’t afford tea, at least a ‘soda’.

You must be used to the now international call to conserve the environment in order to save ourselves and future generations from global warming and other effects of environmental degradation.

Now come learn how to strangle a planet. Starting your tour from Busega roundabout, you will have a chance of watching us live as we fill up our swamps with soil in broad daylight – right in the face of the scarecrow called National Environment Management Authority. This is part of our definition of development, call it steady progress.

Don’t miss visiting Mabira forest, a forest we still silently find less valuable than sugar and GDP figures. We swear we shall ignore the noise of those idle environmentalists and cut it down one day. Then we shall triumphantly replace it with a beautiful sugarcane jungle and sing it so loud: ‘Oh Uganda, may God uphold thee‘.

If you are bored with too much order, experience the opposite here. You will love the sight of plastic bottles and roasted meat sticks flying out of car windows, not by zoo creatures, but thrown by breasted and bearded adults.

You should meet these special people who wait for the rains to take advantage of runoff water to transport their garbage to wherever and to escort their sewage to allover.

But if you can’t see all else, please make sure you check out our opposition – a group so committed to their work of opposing that they spend more time fighting each other than doing anything of progressive meaning.

Source: The observer

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About lukwago J

Posted by LUKWAGO. J: He's a writer, editor, blogger, affiliate and a web developer, he loves thinking creatively and finding new ways to implement different programming ideas.

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