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Johnny Tony

Johnny’s  SARCASTIC Family

“Ah lucky man, my great husband, The only handsome man in the whole world. The only field Marshall Backri Johnny for the  whole of Africa, My husband, you gallant pass Army Man from Dakabela forest eh”

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Johnny smiled as Cathy poured encomiums on him but he could tell she was up to something. Cathy wasn’t the kind to just praise him like that, except when he said something extremely sweet or gave her money.

“Cathy eh, you’re hailing me like this, I hope all is well.” Johnny said.

“Eh eh, so if i don’t talk sweet sweet things to my husband, the only man who gives me joy, My field Marshall. In fact Let me go cook your favorite food, chicken and kaalo. ”

With that statement she left the room leaving Johnny looking at her with surprise written all over his face.

“So Cathy doesn’t want anything? Oh wow, wonders shall never end” He smiled and turned back to the newspaper.

Omuya walks into the kitchen, rubbing his stomach and Yawns. He looks like someone that has not had a decent meal for days.

Cathy takes a look at him and goes back to her cooking.

“Auntie, is that food you are cooking? I am very hungry, it’s doing me like I have not eaten for two years now” Omuya said as he scratched his head.

“No, I am not cooking, I am just testing the gas cooker whether it works.” Cathy replied sarcastically.

“Ahhhh auntie, the gas is working now, Isn’t it fire that I am seeing like this” A defiant Omuya said.

“Omuya!! Get out of here, don’t make me shout. Why do you behave like this eh. Did your mother give birth to you after drinking potash?”

“Auntie I don’t know about that, but let me go and ask my father ” with that statement Omuya left the kitchen.

“Mchweeewww,..I wish the  person who gave birth to this one gave birth to a goat instead, he behaves like a real goat.” Cathy said of Omuya as she stirred the soup.

“Mummy I just saw Omuya ran out of the house, he said he’s going to see Uncle Ekeja, did you or daddy send him on an errand? Jenifer asked.

“Jenifer, If you hear meee meee, that will be Omuya. He went to ask his father  whether his mother drank abalang when she conceived him.” Jennifer laughed hysterically as Cathy switched off the gas.

“And you, where have you been since? I was inside here cooking all alone and you were roaming up and down like a woman looking for a man to marry.”

Jennifer looked at herself up and down, she was used to receiving such words from her mom but today’s rhetoric really made her feel bad.

“But mommy, I told you that time that I have exams to read for, that’s what I was doing in my room.” She said.

After trying to make her mother see things from her side which failed woefully, she retired to her bedroom.

Cathy called on Johnny to proceed to the dining as she’d set food for him on the table. She said this, trying so hard to sound romantic much to Johnny’s amusement .

“Ah Field Marshall Backri Johnny, come sit down and I feed you.”  at this point Johhny was so surprised and uncomfortable at the same time.

“Cathy, you want to feed me? When did that one start? Cathy I’m begining to suspect this your sudden display of affection towards me eh. What are you up to” A surprised Johnny asked.

“I don’t understand you Johnny, isn’t it what we are supposed to do? What is  bad if i say i want to feed my husband? You’ve always complained that i am not romantic ” A disappointed Cathy said.

Johnny looked at his children who by now had gathered on the dining as it was family tradition for everyone to eat on the same table. They all acted deaf and dumb to everything that was happening until a familiar voice spoke.

“Aha auntie, I asked my father if my mom drank potash before she gave birth to me, he said no, that it is  malwa she drank, so you see, I am not a goat.” Omuya said smiling sheepishly.

Everyone dropped their spoons and started clapping for him.

“Ah Ah, why are you people clapping eh.”

“Omuya, you have shown us today that you are not a goat.”

Omuya smiles and shakes his head

“You are an upgraded version of a fool” Johnny said as everyone reeled in laughter

“Ah ah Johnny, why did you just call Omuya an onladed fool, it’s not  good.” Cathy said as she continued laughing.

“Cathy, I didn’t say on laded fool, I said upgraded, you don’t even know what I said and you joined the children in laughing.”

” Everyone started laughing at her and she felt extremely bad, she got up from the table in anger and walked into the bed room.  Johnny looked at his children who then gave him a signal to follow her.

“Cathy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that to you in front of the children. Bubu eh, I am so sorry ” He apologized.

“Johnny leave me, you just ashamed me in front of the children. I can’t suffer for you.” Cathy said in anger.

Johnny kept apologizing and teasing her until she started smiling..

“Bubu bubu my queen eh, akamaraga eh, come and feed me.”

“Ah Field Marshall you mean eh?” She asked gleefully. Johnny nodded his head in affirmation as he led her out of the room, much to her delight.

When they got to the sitting room, they met Only Omuya on the dining feasting on Johnny’s food.

“Omuya, what do you think you are doing? Why are you eating my food?” Johnny asked as he stutterd.

“Uncle, you called me an upgraded fool, so I decided that let me upgrade myself by eating from your plate so that i can upgrade to being wise.” Omuya said.

Cathy removed her shoes and threw it at Omuya, he took to his heels with a chicken wing in his hand as she kept pursuing him….

Written by Eninu William, Tel: 0783-642052.

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About lukwago J

Posted by LUKWAGO. J: He's a writer, editor, blogger, affiliate and a web developer, he loves thinking creatively and finding new ways to implement different programming ideas.

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