Why It Is Important To Wear Underpants

Posted by: Eninu William in story May 1, 2020

Yeah, underpants are quite strange to say, there are many false reasons I could give why I don’t like them. Well, I dislike underpants and the only reason I use them, is the same reason a lot of ladies still use a bra— necessity.

It’s necessary because I can’t stand having pairs of eyes goggle me below the belt like some rodent’s been let loose in my pants. So I’m pressed into wearing an uncomfortably tight bit that would of course jump at every chance to embarrass, and show it has as much hate for me, as I have for it.

This mischievous bit would force itself into the crack of my bum in public, and give everyone watching the impression that I’m scratching my buttocks, when all I’m trying to do is force and wriggle it free.

Other times it’d roll up into my crotch and expose my thighs to meet each other in a painful rub. That. Always. Hurts.

Soon I’d be walking like one who’s got the weight of the world on their shoulder.

I detest these pants. That’s why when lockdown happened and everyone had to stay home, amongst other things, I jumped and pumped my fists in the air. Yes!

Freedom, freedom at last. No outing, no underpants. No underpants, zero thigh rubs, zero humiliation, and zero pain. Even ‘little me’ took a deep breath and heaved a sigh of relief.

This was over four weeks ago.

Less than a week later, I found an old chinos short I used to love. I tried it on and it still fit. It looked so good that against better judgement, instead of taking it off, I chose to keep it on.

Later that night, as I groped my way to pee, I could hear Astronomia, a soundtrack of those dark faced, black suited trending pallbearers. I pushed down my chinos zipper with one finger and took a pee. Then just as I began to zip up, the zipper pinched my prepuce and knocked the breath out of my lungs.

It was dark and the toilet was before me. So when that piece of delicate skin got stuck in hell, I flung myself back, crashed against a wall, and staggered a bit.

The pain tore through me like lightning across the sky on a rainy day. I painstakingly pulled myself up, and tears welled up in my eyes.
Just then, that very moment, I heard it. A voice in my head.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had an underpant on.”

It annoyed me knowing that was the truth. I clenched my teeth as my nostrils danced from side to side, and in one quick stroke jerked myself free. The tears came crashing down.

I limped back to bed, sore to my core. And all night dreamt of being chased by men in black suits dancing with caskets.

Today, do I still hate underpants? Absolutely. However, I’ve learned to only wear shorts without zippers when I’m on “free” mode. And if I have to wear a short with a zipper, I’d sure have to wear underpants. Don’t ask me why, I’m sure you got the answer already.

And if I still decide to wear shorts with a zipper while on “free” mode, then I have to be of extreme care when I zip up and down.

My decisions are now informed and backed by knowledge.

So in the end, if you have no knowledge of, and do not understand a system; just give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Thank you!

By Eninu William: Tel: 0783-642052

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